In September, I hope to be moving away from my home in Kent to start my new life as a university student of creative writing and English literature. Of course, when I get there, writing will be my full-time job rather than the hobby that it is now. I will be expected to write in poetry, prose and drama every day to build an interesting and exciting portfolio based around my assignment titles. I will be attending workshops, lectures and classes hosted at the university taught by professional writers based around teaching me to write more fluently and expressively.
Recently, I have become less and less confident in my ability to survive in a university course like this. Riddled with doubts such as, "Do I really write enough stuff?" and, "Am I a good enough writer?" or, "Am I even a writer??" I have lost confidence in my skills and forgotten my accomplishments.
The thing is, I know I can write well - I have taught others writing skills before, and my body of work that I used to demonstrate my ability to universities was accepted by them as being good enough to result in a conditional offer from all five of my choices. So where does the doubt in myself come into the picture? Where does it stem from?
I think that it stems from my inability to see a huge project such as a blog through to the end. Throughout all of my life on the Internet, I have been starting and leaving blogs left, right and centre. The projects which I love to think up have never come to realisation because I lose motivation and confidence in my ability to pull them off well.
So, here we are now, starting another blog which I will eventually delete and pretend never existed, right?
Wrong.
This year I have completed two full art projects - I know that I can complete something now, I know that I have what it takes to finish a project. I'm seeing this one through to the very bitter end. It won't die. It. Will. Get. Frequent. Updates. It will follow me to uni and back. It might not be found, but it will not be forgotten.
And what is to stop me moving on to other 'projects' such as before? The knowledge that if I do that, then I don't have what it takes to get my novel published in the future. The knowledge that I won't be the writer that I have dreamed of being.
So, here it is - the portfolio of what I can accomplish. In the future I will look back on this and think of how well I did to stick with something.
Hopefully.
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